Cooler weather.
My supervisor.
Mini birthday cupcakes.
Getting a big thing marked off my "to do" list.
The return of "The Amazing Race."
Good friends who make me giggle out loud.
Sprouts
Original Two Bite Blueberry Scones
Monday, September 26, 2011
Shoulders
Pain was tolerable for most of the day but I'm having problems with my shoulders now. Knees are also causing me pain. Did the ice bath for both hands, waiting to see what I think about it. Not much to say today. My body aches and it's time to go to sleep.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Things I'm Happy For Today
Cooler weather.
Reading at the laundromat.
The little girl just learning to walk who kept giving me toothy grins.
Little Caesar's <$10 pizza meal deal.
My recycling and trash out the door.
Reading at the laundromat.
The little girl just learning to walk who kept giving me toothy grins.
Little Caesar's <$10 pizza meal deal.
My recycling and trash out the door.
Decision
As per usual, I slept all day Saturday. Not this time so much to avoid the pain but because I was really that worn out. I noticed the pain came and went in cycles but I'm not sure why. For most of the weekend it's been tolerable. Not tolerable enough to take my camera out but tolerable enough to have the actual debate with myself.
It starts with the hands, always the hands, and then works its way up my arms. Opening and closing my hands has presented me with various levels of flexibility and pain. The thenar, in particular, is painful; no doubt from overuse and bad posture - both of which I'm trying to address. The fingers on my left hand haven't crabbed up since the paraffin bath and the adhesion on one of the tendons that runs down the center of my palm beneath the middle finger feels better. Dr. Waters may be right, we may have been treating me too aggressively. It seems there are still some very simple things we can try before sending me to an orthopedist or something.
After meditating on Dat's point about just going back to all the stress after a treatment, I made some decisions. Thinking about all the stressors in my life right now and the way I spend my time made me decide to drop the acupuncture, for now. Dat wanted to treat me more than once a week or to commit to a Saturday morning class that began at 5AM; neither of which I can, or am willing to, do. Add to that the drive from work to see Dat was more stressful than even my worst morning commute and the decision became easier. I'm glad for the things Dat has given me to think about but it's time to do something different.
I need to concentrate on the environments I have to function in, and the stressors within them. One of those starts next Thursday at 6PM. It's known as Elementary Stats. I need to pass this class, and I need all the energy and time I can muster to get through it. 12 more weeks is all I need.
The final paragraph: too hot to go out Saturday, enough energy today to do laundry and get some chores done. It's nice and cool now which always makes life easier.
It starts with the hands, always the hands, and then works its way up my arms. Opening and closing my hands has presented me with various levels of flexibility and pain. The thenar, in particular, is painful; no doubt from overuse and bad posture - both of which I'm trying to address. The fingers on my left hand haven't crabbed up since the paraffin bath and the adhesion on one of the tendons that runs down the center of my palm beneath the middle finger feels better. Dr. Waters may be right, we may have been treating me too aggressively. It seems there are still some very simple things we can try before sending me to an orthopedist or something.
After meditating on Dat's point about just going back to all the stress after a treatment, I made some decisions. Thinking about all the stressors in my life right now and the way I spend my time made me decide to drop the acupuncture, for now. Dat wanted to treat me more than once a week or to commit to a Saturday morning class that began at 5AM; neither of which I can, or am willing to, do. Add to that the drive from work to see Dat was more stressful than even my worst morning commute and the decision became easier. I'm glad for the things Dat has given me to think about but it's time to do something different.
I need to concentrate on the environments I have to function in, and the stressors within them. One of those starts next Thursday at 6PM. It's known as Elementary Stats. I need to pass this class, and I need all the energy and time I can muster to get through it. 12 more weeks is all I need.
The final paragraph: too hot to go out Saturday, enough energy today to do laundry and get some chores done. It's nice and cool now which always makes life easier.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Hugs and Hand Holding
Meditation practice still weak. I fell asleep last night. I think the middle to the end of the week are going to be tricky for a while because I am so worn out. Dr. Kabat-Zinn says it's important to show up and do what we can. I'm good at that part and I'm learning to accept that sometimes just showing up is all I can do.
Woke up this morning feeling like we'd made a breakthrough of some sort. Pain level was tolerable. I even thought about taking the camera out somewhere this weekend. We'll see if there's any hope left because I'm pretty sore right now. Not even a two-hour nap at the accupuncturist helped. There may be a paraffin bath in my future, they're not as expensive as I expected.
Dat and I are still having conversations about what role accupuncture plays in my life. We're coming from it at two different perspectives but I know we'll keep talking. I don't expect instant gratification, I know it's a process. I just get really frustrated at times. I'll keep going because, if nothing else, 2+ hours just sitting and being is restful. Or maybe it's the 2+ hours dozy naps I wind up taking that are restful. I had Dr. Kabat-Zinn in one ear and I just sat and tried to pay attention but I kept drifting off. He was only in one ear because one of the needles in the other made it difficult to put the earbud in comfortably.
It occurred to me on the way home that maybe all the hand holding I do at work is making my hands hurt. There's a lot we do to help people on their way, often too much. We're working on breaking my habit of doing more than I should and letting other people take responsibility for their bad grades.
I'm a very huggy person. I love them. I would give a hug to just about anyone and everyone if they would let me. There are people at work I hug (today it was one of our students), all my healers get hugs and now Dat has joined the Auntie Pain hugging club. I wonder what he thinks about that. I kinda figure we're all in something together and hugs just feel good.
Woke up this morning feeling like we'd made a breakthrough of some sort. Pain level was tolerable. I even thought about taking the camera out somewhere this weekend. We'll see if there's any hope left because I'm pretty sore right now. Not even a two-hour nap at the accupuncturist helped. There may be a paraffin bath in my future, they're not as expensive as I expected.
Dat and I are still having conversations about what role accupuncture plays in my life. We're coming from it at two different perspectives but I know we'll keep talking. I don't expect instant gratification, I know it's a process. I just get really frustrated at times. I'll keep going because, if nothing else, 2+ hours just sitting and being is restful. Or maybe it's the 2+ hours dozy naps I wind up taking that are restful. I had Dr. Kabat-Zinn in one ear and I just sat and tried to pay attention but I kept drifting off. He was only in one ear because one of the needles in the other made it difficult to put the earbud in comfortably.
It occurred to me on the way home that maybe all the hand holding I do at work is making my hands hurt. There's a lot we do to help people on their way, often too much. We're working on breaking my habit of doing more than I should and letting other people take responsibility for their bad grades.
I'm a very huggy person. I love them. I would give a hug to just about anyone and everyone if they would let me. There are people at work I hug (today it was one of our students), all my healers get hugs and now Dat has joined the Auntie Pain hugging club. I wonder what he thinks about that. I kinda figure we're all in something together and hugs just feel good.
Things I'm Happy For Today
That it's Friday!
That while I woke up in pain, it was well within tolerable.
I woke up happy and hopeful for the first time in many, many weeks.
"Big Bang Theory" is back!
My ocean and rain mp3
Having hope that I might actually have enough energy and the pain level will be low enough to get my camera out.
That even though it was a confusing and time consuming, Dell's Order Verification department called me at work to verify an order I most definitely did not place. [insert long weird story here]
That even though no actual crime was committed, the nice officer called and listened.
Hugs!
Dat helping me out of Car and the lounge chair.
That while I woke up in pain, it was well within tolerable.
I woke up happy and hopeful for the first time in many, many weeks.
"Big Bang Theory" is back!
My ocean and rain mp3
Having hope that I might actually have enough energy and the pain level will be low enough to get my camera out.
That even though it was a confusing and time consuming, Dell's Order Verification department called me at work to verify an order I most definitely did not place. [insert long weird story here]
That even though no actual crime was committed, the nice officer called and listened.
Hugs!
Dat helping me out of Car and the lounge chair.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
A New Protocol
No meditation last night, I got caught up in TV. More discipline please.
I'm still sleeping poorly. The cycle of two hours and up to pee continues. Last night, I went to sleep listening to the new age music channel on DirectTV only to be wakened at 2:30 by really loud TV voices. I don't know what the TiVo was doing, but it switched from the calming music to a tv show and startled me awake. No fun, and no rest.
The past couple of days at work have been less typing and more shoveling through the piles of paper to get last minute grades done. That helps. But next week the typing returns as the letter writing gets worked on. I'm so far behind on things, all I can do is just keep pushing.
It's not that nothing is working, it's that ... well, nothing is really working to alleviate my pain. The meditation "practice" is new, the acupuncture doesn't give long lasting effects, the Graston isn't working; blah, blah, blah. I'm doing everything I can think of but the pain isn't really abating.
Everything, that is, except to stop typing. Which brings me to the most probing question of the day: "If typing hurts you, why are you blogging?" I don't yet have a good answer to that. Typing just seems to be the way I organize my thoughts. But don't expect the stream of consciousness to stop completely. On the Road is one of my favorite books, that should tell you something.
The sudden shift in chiro interns seemed to be a perfect time to do a complete re-evaluation of my treatment/s. There are still things we can try before we have to bring in the expensive guns at other facilities. Dr. Waters busted out some ideas and the one we tried tonight worked temporarily and the treatment itself felt really good. Big purple left hand pain receded to very tolerable levels, and my fingers haven't started to crab up like they usually do at night.
I am so happy with the energy the New Girl brings. I used to roll my eyes when people would say, "it's like we were meant to be in each other's lives" upon just meeting someone. But lately, it's been happening to me. New Girl and I instantly knew there was a reason we would be working together. I already admire her so much and thank her for her service to our country in Iraq. She gives me hope that we can get me to a better quality of life. In fact, she's my poster child. She did it, so can I. She loves the journey I'm on and was delighted to find out I was blogging about my adventures.
I left feeling energized and with the realization that I miss my photography very much and I have let work, math, and pain get in the way. Although I carry a camera with me all the time, it's not the same as taking the SLR out on a journey. That's my short term goal, to gather enough energy to go to one of my favorite places and shoot my heart out. Plus I am long overdue for a commune with Mother Ocean.
What else can I tell you about today? No, I think that's it.
I'm still sleeping poorly. The cycle of two hours and up to pee continues. Last night, I went to sleep listening to the new age music channel on DirectTV only to be wakened at 2:30 by really loud TV voices. I don't know what the TiVo was doing, but it switched from the calming music to a tv show and startled me awake. No fun, and no rest.
The past couple of days at work have been less typing and more shoveling through the piles of paper to get last minute grades done. That helps. But next week the typing returns as the letter writing gets worked on. I'm so far behind on things, all I can do is just keep pushing.
It's not that nothing is working, it's that ... well, nothing is really working to alleviate my pain. The meditation "practice" is new, the acupuncture doesn't give long lasting effects, the Graston isn't working; blah, blah, blah. I'm doing everything I can think of but the pain isn't really abating.
Everything, that is, except to stop typing. Which brings me to the most probing question of the day: "If typing hurts you, why are you blogging?" I don't yet have a good answer to that. Typing just seems to be the way I organize my thoughts. But don't expect the stream of consciousness to stop completely. On the Road is one of my favorite books, that should tell you something.
The sudden shift in chiro interns seemed to be a perfect time to do a complete re-evaluation of my treatment/s. There are still things we can try before we have to bring in the expensive guns at other facilities. Dr. Waters busted out some ideas and the one we tried tonight worked temporarily and the treatment itself felt really good. Big purple left hand pain receded to very tolerable levels, and my fingers haven't started to crab up like they usually do at night.
I am so happy with the energy the New Girl brings. I used to roll my eyes when people would say, "it's like we were meant to be in each other's lives" upon just meeting someone. But lately, it's been happening to me. New Girl and I instantly knew there was a reason we would be working together. I already admire her so much and thank her for her service to our country in Iraq. She gives me hope that we can get me to a better quality of life. In fact, she's my poster child. She did it, so can I. She loves the journey I'm on and was delighted to find out I was blogging about my adventures.
I left feeling energized and with the realization that I miss my photography very much and I have let work, math, and pain get in the way. Although I carry a camera with me all the time, it's not the same as taking the SLR out on a journey. That's my short term goal, to gather enough energy to go to one of my favorite places and shoot my heart out. Plus I am long overdue for a commune with Mother Ocean.
What else can I tell you about today? No, I think that's it.
Things I am Grateful For Today
The beautiful fog as I came into the foothills towards work.
The nice cool weather in the mornings.
Seeing a young deer on the side of the road.
Meeting my new chiro intern who is already a blessing and left me feeling energized.
Tonight Project Runway finally sent that spoiled fragile little flower Olivier "auf."
The nice cool weather in the mornings.
Seeing a young deer on the side of the road.
Meeting my new chiro intern who is already a blessing and left me feeling energized.
Tonight Project Runway finally sent that spoiled fragile little flower Olivier "auf."
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Things I'm Happy For/With Today
Watching last night's Craig Ferguson without the TiVo crashing.
Togo's Wednesday $5 combo special, the Italian!
As hot as it can be, my own little apartment where the only crazy people are me.
Dr. Charity who continues to crack me up with her increasingly sarcastic email. ("Oh how convenient that the food and coffee will be near YOUR office.")
Dr. Waters who keeps my chiro interns in line and is an important part of Team Pain.
That P!nk's "Raise Your Glass" is my ring tone. "Raise your glass if you're wrong in all the right ways."
Togo's Wednesday $5 combo special, the Italian!
As hot as it can be, my own little apartment where the only crazy people are me.
Dr. Charity who continues to crack me up with her increasingly sarcastic email. ("Oh how convenient that the food and coffee will be near YOUR office.")
Dr. Waters who keeps my chiro interns in line and is an important part of Team Pain.
That P!nk's "Raise Your Glass" is my ring tone. "Raise your glass if you're wrong in all the right ways."
My Life With Pain
I've had carpal tunnel or RSI for over a year now. The pain can be frustrating, and often takes a toll on me emotionally, as well as physically. It's no fun. My goal for this blog is to keep a chronicle of my "adventures with pain" as I work through it. Of course, my goal for my life is to get to a place that's relatively pain free again. I want to be able to go out on the weekends with my camera and visit some of my favorite places on the beaches, instead of sleeping nearly all day Saturday because my hands and arms hurt too much to do anything else. I'd like Sunday to be more than laundry and just the bare essentials to get me through the next few days.
First, let's meet Team Pain all right?
Dat - my acupuncturist at Living Room Acupuncture. We have an interesting relationship, we're learning a lot from each other. -read this post about my decision to stop accupuncture.
Palmer Chiropractic College
Rich - my masseuse at Inside and Out Body Therapy
Dr. John Kabat-Zinn whose Mindfulness Meditation for Pain Relief I have just started using.
As you might suspect, I have a busy schedule. Work, seeing Team Pain almost every week (Rich only gets to see me every two weeks) and, starting next week, the Elementary Stats class which is the last class I need to graduate with a BA in History.
Because I use my hands all day at work, it's hard to think of coming home and doing even more typing! What am I thinking? I miss being creative and I kinda miss blogging. This is my attempt to do both and chronicle (as I said before) how I work through the pain.
So here's one thing I've been thinking about since I left work today. In one of his guided meditations, Dr. Kabat-Zinn talks about trying to bring my pain "center stage." To acknowledge and embrace it, so to speak. "It's already a part of your life ..." I tried this at acupuncture on Monday and pain was not having any of it.
I pictured my heart as a big, comfortable space with a stage. There's a big heavy burgundy velvet curtain across the back of the stage, like the ones at old movie houses. The lighting is warm and there are comfortable places to sit or stand or ... be. Then, per Dr. Kabat-Zinn's instruction, I picked a part of my pain to bring into my stagey heart (or hearted stage). But big purple left hand pain was uncooperative. The more I tried, the more I lost focus on my breathing and my mindfulness. Fine, I thought, it doesn't have to be perfect, there is no right, there just is.
"What if?" I thought on my drive home in the hot September sun in poor air-conditionerless Car, "what if, instead of trying to drag purple left hand pain into my heart I took my heart to it?" The story that grew out of that question, while not a sitting (or lying) mediation with mindful breathing, gave me a lift.
I imagined myself taking a beautiful brocade blanket and going into a comfortable dimly lit room where purple left hand pain was standing. Slowly I made my way over to it and sat on the floor in front of it. (Picture an open left hand, palm out, thumb on top and fingers slightly curved.) I nestled into the part of purple left hand pain's palm nearest the wrist. I just sat, and nestled in, covering myself. And big purple left hand pain and I just were together.
This will be my meditation practice for the next few days. Let's see what happens when I take my big heart to where the pain is instead of trying to force the pain to move into my heart. It could be the beginnings of a beautiful friendship!
First, let's meet Team Pain all right?
Palmer Chiropractic College
Rich - my masseuse at Inside and Out Body Therapy
Dr. John Kabat-Zinn whose Mindfulness Meditation for Pain Relief I have just started using.
As you might suspect, I have a busy schedule. Work, seeing Team Pain almost every week (Rich only gets to see me every two weeks) and, starting next week, the Elementary Stats class which is the last class I need to graduate with a BA in History.
Because I use my hands all day at work, it's hard to think of coming home and doing even more typing! What am I thinking? I miss being creative and I kinda miss blogging. This is my attempt to do both and chronicle (as I said before) how I work through the pain.
So here's one thing I've been thinking about since I left work today. In one of his guided meditations, Dr. Kabat-Zinn talks about trying to bring my pain "center stage." To acknowledge and embrace it, so to speak. "It's already a part of your life ..." I tried this at acupuncture on Monday and pain was not having any of it.
I pictured my heart as a big, comfortable space with a stage. There's a big heavy burgundy velvet curtain across the back of the stage, like the ones at old movie houses. The lighting is warm and there are comfortable places to sit or stand or ... be. Then, per Dr. Kabat-Zinn's instruction, I picked a part of my pain to bring into my stagey heart (or hearted stage). But big purple left hand pain was uncooperative. The more I tried, the more I lost focus on my breathing and my mindfulness. Fine, I thought, it doesn't have to be perfect, there is no right, there just is.
"What if?" I thought on my drive home in the hot September sun in poor air-conditionerless Car, "what if, instead of trying to drag purple left hand pain into my heart I took my heart to it?" The story that grew out of that question, while not a sitting (or lying) mediation with mindful breathing, gave me a lift.
I imagined myself taking a beautiful brocade blanket and going into a comfortable dimly lit room where purple left hand pain was standing. Slowly I made my way over to it and sat on the floor in front of it. (Picture an open left hand, palm out, thumb on top and fingers slightly curved.) I nestled into the part of purple left hand pain's palm nearest the wrist. I just sat, and nestled in, covering myself. And big purple left hand pain and I just were together.
This will be my meditation practice for the next few days. Let's see what happens when I take my big heart to where the pain is instead of trying to force the pain to move into my heart. It could be the beginnings of a beautiful friendship!
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