Saturday, October 29, 2011
Maybe Arthritis?
For the most part, the pain has receded to tolerable, downright livable most days. I know my boss appreciates it because I don't bitch about it as much. Since we have stopped treating me aggressively for carpal tunnel and my masseuse has worked on me more gently, the pain in my hands and arms have greatly decreased. It's thought that now maybe what I really have is arthritis, which runs in the family and I have in my knees. An appointment with an MD will confirm that. Arthritis is more treatable than carpal tunnel, so this prospect actually makes me hopeful. I'm having issues tonight with my hands, but even now it's not as immobilizing as it was a month ago. I can still concentrate on homework, when I stop procrastinating that is.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
October 10 - October 16, 2011
Monday:
Red right hand pain has returned but is not yet raging. A lot of typing today which always sets it off. Purple left hand pain isn't that bad. Overall, the pain is tolerable. I'm doing all I can to keep it all in balance.
Tuesday
Class. Some pain but again, much more tolerable. I am using a cold laser on one of my left hand fingers twice a day as an experiment. So far, the finger hasn't crabbed up. I am tired all the time despite sleeping better. I'm sure that will change when the quarter is over and I have passed my class.
Wednesday
Having a hard time focusing on my studies. All I want to do is sleep. Pain is a bit more than yesterday. My finger crabbed up in the middle of the night and there was a big knot on the tendon along the joint at the inside of the knuckle. (Got that?) A couple of hours later, the knot was gone and my finger had straightened out. Cold laser continues, as do the paraffin baths in Dr. Waters' office, which just seem to fascinate everyone around. I make mummy noises and motions when my hands are wrapped in plastic and we go back to the treatment room. It amuses me. Nadine found some very tender spots and as she worked on getting them to release, I was able to go straight to my heart room, with all the pain gathered in it, and ask my wrists to let go. It's interesting to be able to do that. Honestly, I have no idea if any of this is working but something is and I feel so much better so I don't ask a lot of questions.
Thursday:
Not feeling so hot so stayed home from work and slept all day. Made it to class and groaned like everyone else at the pace of the formulas and equations being flung at us. Took the quiz but am really not sure how I did. How can I know the formula for standard deviation stone cold and then just blank like that?
Friday:
Back to work. Pain is still tolerable, but increasing as it does every week. A week of typing doesn't make for pain free moments. Off to see Rich who went gently on my body again, which helped.
Saturday:
Right hand pain is starting to rage again. Was able to get up and run errands on a Saturday for the first time in months. The pain isn't so bad I can't do what I need to do, including study and get the recycling out. As I sat in the chair getting my hair cut, I closed my eyes and meditated on my right hand, trying to figure out what it needs.
Both my hands and my knees now reside in my heart shaped theatre room and I spend time there with them, just quietly being. I don't know what they need or want when we're all in there so I just "be" with them.
I concentrated on raging red right hand pain, walking up to it and soothing it be leaning against it and stroking it like someone would a person in distress. In the physical world, my right hand was resting on my belly. This seems to help me focus on my breathing. Anyway, in my meditative world, I just leaned up against my right hand and stroked it. I didn't talk to it or try to reassure it or anything. The lesson I seem to be learning, and practicing, is to just be.
Since school started nearly four weeks ago, my meditation practice has gone out the window. I do visualizations when I get an off-moment but a sit-down or lie-down meditation hasn't actually happened in a while. It will have to suffice for now.
I decided to stop the cold laser because my finger was getting tender and crabbing up a lot at night with the attendant knots. The crabbing up doesn't stay for a long time but my finger has just been super tender so I decided to stop for now.
Sunday:
Laundry, studying, chores. Right hand pain has raged off and on all day. It's 9PM and I still have lots to do, including finish the dishes so I can make lunch for tomorrow, study and an ice bath for the hands. Yay me. I am grateful to be functional enough to do these things and to have enough brain power to contemplate them.
Red right hand pain has returned but is not yet raging. A lot of typing today which always sets it off. Purple left hand pain isn't that bad. Overall, the pain is tolerable. I'm doing all I can to keep it all in balance.
Tuesday
Class. Some pain but again, much more tolerable. I am using a cold laser on one of my left hand fingers twice a day as an experiment. So far, the finger hasn't crabbed up. I am tired all the time despite sleeping better. I'm sure that will change when the quarter is over and I have passed my class.
Wednesday
Having a hard time focusing on my studies. All I want to do is sleep. Pain is a bit more than yesterday. My finger crabbed up in the middle of the night and there was a big knot on the tendon along the joint at the inside of the knuckle. (Got that?) A couple of hours later, the knot was gone and my finger had straightened out. Cold laser continues, as do the paraffin baths in Dr. Waters' office, which just seem to fascinate everyone around. I make mummy noises and motions when my hands are wrapped in plastic and we go back to the treatment room. It amuses me. Nadine found some very tender spots and as she worked on getting them to release, I was able to go straight to my heart room, with all the pain gathered in it, and ask my wrists to let go. It's interesting to be able to do that. Honestly, I have no idea if any of this is working but something is and I feel so much better so I don't ask a lot of questions.
Thursday:
Not feeling so hot so stayed home from work and slept all day. Made it to class and groaned like everyone else at the pace of the formulas and equations being flung at us. Took the quiz but am really not sure how I did. How can I know the formula for standard deviation stone cold and then just blank like that?
Friday:
Back to work. Pain is still tolerable, but increasing as it does every week. A week of typing doesn't make for pain free moments. Off to see Rich who went gently on my body again, which helped.
Saturday:
Right hand pain is starting to rage again. Was able to get up and run errands on a Saturday for the first time in months. The pain isn't so bad I can't do what I need to do, including study and get the recycling out. As I sat in the chair getting my hair cut, I closed my eyes and meditated on my right hand, trying to figure out what it needs.
Both my hands and my knees now reside in my heart shaped theatre room and I spend time there with them, just quietly being. I don't know what they need or want when we're all in there so I just "be" with them.
I concentrated on raging red right hand pain, walking up to it and soothing it be leaning against it and stroking it like someone would a person in distress. In the physical world, my right hand was resting on my belly. This seems to help me focus on my breathing. Anyway, in my meditative world, I just leaned up against my right hand and stroked it. I didn't talk to it or try to reassure it or anything. The lesson I seem to be learning, and practicing, is to just be.
Since school started nearly four weeks ago, my meditation practice has gone out the window. I do visualizations when I get an off-moment but a sit-down or lie-down meditation hasn't actually happened in a while. It will have to suffice for now.
I decided to stop the cold laser because my finger was getting tender and crabbing up a lot at night with the attendant knots. The crabbing up doesn't stay for a long time but my finger has just been super tender so I decided to stop for now.
Sunday:
Laundry, studying, chores. Right hand pain has raged off and on all day. It's 9PM and I still have lots to do, including finish the dishes so I can make lunch for tomorrow, study and an ice bath for the hands. Yay me. I am grateful to be functional enough to do these things and to have enough brain power to contemplate them.
Things I'm Happy for This Week (10 October - 16 October)
My replacement Roku remote.
Pandora.
Honest Ade Classic Lemonade
Nadine
Megan Zoe Perez
Men of the Stacks - yes, it's objectifying and yes, I feel kinda strange about it. But check out Mr. January.
26/30 in my first Stats quiz (booyah!)
Personal by Tony Hoagland
My TI-83 Plus
Pandora.
Honest Ade Classic Lemonade
Nadine
Megan Zoe Perez
Men of the Stacks - yes, it's objectifying and yes, I feel kinda strange about it. But check out Mr. January.
26/30 in my first Stats quiz (booyah!)
Personal by Tony Hoagland
My TI-83 Plus
Monday, October 10, 2011
October 3 - October 9, 2011
Pain wise the week was much better than the week before. The rolling bag for class work helps tremendously. Actually having time in my schedule for a chiro appointment also helped. I was as close to pain free on Thursday as I've ever been in the past year and a half. That was an amazing feeling, one I'd like to have more often. Taking Friday off (I love paid time off) to get some errands run and rest helped some too. Ten weeks left in the quarter. Remembering to breathe deeply and meditate will be key, as will studying and continuing to do the things that help keep the pain at bay.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Things I'm Happy for Today
Tolerable pain
Extra special gratitude for the cool weather and the rain
The blessing in disguise that is my TiVo dieing
Getting another big thing off my to-do list
One of my favorite songs, even though she doesn't like the rain on her windows:
Extra special gratitude for the cool weather and the rain
The blessing in disguise that is my TiVo dieing
Getting another big thing off my to-do list
One of my favorite songs, even though she doesn't like the rain on her windows:
Things I'm Happy for Today (Last Week)
The cool morning weather.
Fresh plums and nectarines in my lunch bag.
Wednesday
That I can use my stapler today.
Online books for class.
The student office mate that makes me laugh.
Access to education
Surprise gifts of chocolate.
Thursday
PTO
Bottled Tazo Passion Infusion
Friday
Rich
The weekend
Fresh plums and nectarines in my lunch bag.
Wednesday
That I can use my stapler today.
Online books for class.
The student office mate that makes me laugh.
Access to education
Surprise gifts of chocolate.
Thursday
PTO
Bottled Tazo Passion Infusion
Friday
Rich
The weekend
Sunday, October 2, 2011
The Week That Was
What a week! Filled with agony and fear that I was irrevocably broken. The frustration with my physical pain almost did me in. But I'm better now, a little. Here's a recap of the week.
Tuesday:
Woke up feeling much better today. My knees don't hurt at all! Which made getting in and out of the shuttle van much easier. Yay. An hour+ commute this morning wasn't much help to my arms and hands though. Trying the keyboard and mouse up on the desk instead of on the tray to see what difference that makes.
Stats class started tonight, not Thursday. So not ready, emotionally or supply-wise. No time to drive home from work and pick up stuff and drive back to school. Had to wing it. Exhausted, sweaty and in so much pain from my adventures on campus. My goal of blogging every day is difficult to keep right now. Also had to miss my chiro appointment because of my scheduling snafu.
Wednesday
Slept really great and deeply, tolerable pain when I woke up. Hard day at work. Red right hand pain enraged.
So tired and in so much pain when I got home. Not much studying done. So frustrated with not being able to pick up after myself because of the pain.
Thursday
Slept really well despite waking up in pain. Knees much better today.
Woke up in so much pain in my arms, was unable to dress myself. Took a couple more hours sleep and felt better, was able to make it into work. It's clear that I have to figure some basic taking care of business routines figured out for the next 11 weeks so I can make it through class.
One of my classmates inspired me to get my rolling bag out instead of struggling with my sling bag. That will make things much easier on my body, especially since I've found a parking lot that's on the same side of the road as campus and is a very gentle walk, with no steps. Much better than "heart attack hill," as my classmate called it.
By the end of class my entire body was in a rage, my hands too sensitive to make the ice bath useful. Getting an ocular migraine about 10 minutes before the end of class just added to the frustration. Fortunately, it dissipated by the time I got to my car.
Friday:
Slept well but not enough. The keyboard on the desk trick didn't last the day earlier in the week, it's back on the keyboard tray. I don't know what the answer is yet. Talked with Dr. Waters who thinks we may have been treating me much too aggressively and we decide to go a little easier. The adhesion on my right hand is back to where it started months ago, no amount of Graston seems to have made a difference. With this in mind, I asked Rich to go easier on me during my massage. Home and trying to sleep but not too successful. Head filled with plans to go run errands on Saturday instead of sleeping.
Saturday:
No surprise that my hands hurt so damned much. It was impossible to do much of anything except try to sleep. So frustrating. Plus the meteorologists lied and it got hotter than predicted. Heat really plays a number on me. Finally about 6:30 I could move my hands better. Took care of dinner and started the great reclaiming my desk caper. I'm frustrated that I'm so tired and can't get done what I want to get done. I tried meditating to speak to my pain and I couldn't get in. "It's okay," I kept reassuring myself, "just keep trying."
Blogging will now obviously be sporadic throughout the week depending on how I feel and time. I have a lot of studying to do. The pressure is on to pass this class, which means studying and keeping up.
I know I can do all of this and survive.
Tuesday:
Woke up feeling much better today. My knees don't hurt at all! Which made getting in and out of the shuttle van much easier. Yay. An hour+ commute this morning wasn't much help to my arms and hands though. Trying the keyboard and mouse up on the desk instead of on the tray to see what difference that makes.
Stats class started tonight, not Thursday. So not ready, emotionally or supply-wise. No time to drive home from work and pick up stuff and drive back to school. Had to wing it. Exhausted, sweaty and in so much pain from my adventures on campus. My goal of blogging every day is difficult to keep right now. Also had to miss my chiro appointment because of my scheduling snafu.
Wednesday
Slept really great and deeply, tolerable pain when I woke up. Hard day at work. Red right hand pain enraged.
So tired and in so much pain when I got home. Not much studying done. So frustrated with not being able to pick up after myself because of the pain.
Thursday
Slept really well despite waking up in pain. Knees much better today.
Woke up in so much pain in my arms, was unable to dress myself. Took a couple more hours sleep and felt better, was able to make it into work. It's clear that I have to figure some basic taking care of business routines figured out for the next 11 weeks so I can make it through class.
One of my classmates inspired me to get my rolling bag out instead of struggling with my sling bag. That will make things much easier on my body, especially since I've found a parking lot that's on the same side of the road as campus and is a very gentle walk, with no steps. Much better than "heart attack hill," as my classmate called it.
By the end of class my entire body was in a rage, my hands too sensitive to make the ice bath useful. Getting an ocular migraine about 10 minutes before the end of class just added to the frustration. Fortunately, it dissipated by the time I got to my car.
Friday:
Slept well but not enough. The keyboard on the desk trick didn't last the day earlier in the week, it's back on the keyboard tray. I don't know what the answer is yet. Talked with Dr. Waters who thinks we may have been treating me much too aggressively and we decide to go a little easier. The adhesion on my right hand is back to where it started months ago, no amount of Graston seems to have made a difference. With this in mind, I asked Rich to go easier on me during my massage. Home and trying to sleep but not too successful. Head filled with plans to go run errands on Saturday instead of sleeping.
Saturday:
No surprise that my hands hurt so damned much. It was impossible to do much of anything except try to sleep. So frustrating. Plus the meteorologists lied and it got hotter than predicted. Heat really plays a number on me. Finally about 6:30 I could move my hands better. Took care of dinner and started the great reclaiming my desk caper. I'm frustrated that I'm so tired and can't get done what I want to get done. I tried meditating to speak to my pain and I couldn't get in. "It's okay," I kept reassuring myself, "just keep trying."
Blogging will now obviously be sporadic throughout the week depending on how I feel and time. I have a lot of studying to do. The pressure is on to pass this class, which means studying and keeping up.
I know I can do all of this and survive.
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