Monday:
Red right hand pain has returned but is not yet raging. A lot of typing today which always sets it off. Purple left hand pain isn't that bad. Overall, the pain is tolerable. I'm doing all I can to keep it all in balance.
Tuesday
Class. Some pain but again, much more tolerable. I am using a cold laser on one of my left hand fingers twice a day as an experiment. So far, the finger hasn't crabbed up. I am tired all the time despite sleeping better. I'm sure that will change when the quarter is over and I have passed my class.
Wednesday
Having a hard time focusing on my studies. All I want to do is sleep. Pain is a bit more than yesterday. My finger crabbed up in the middle of the night and there was a big knot on the tendon along the joint at the inside of the knuckle. (Got that?) A couple of hours later, the knot was gone and my finger had straightened out. Cold laser continues, as do the paraffin baths in Dr. Waters' office, which just seem to fascinate everyone around. I make mummy noises and motions when my hands are wrapped in plastic and we go back to the treatment room. It amuses me. Nadine found some very tender spots and as she worked on getting them to release, I was able to go straight to my heart room, with all the pain gathered in it, and ask my wrists to let go. It's interesting to be able to do that. Honestly, I have no idea if any of this is working but something is and I feel so much better so I don't ask a lot of questions.
Thursday:
Not feeling so hot so stayed home from work and slept all day. Made it to class and groaned like everyone else at the pace of the formulas and equations being flung at us. Took the quiz but am really not sure how I did. How can I know the formula for standard deviation stone cold and then just blank like that?
Friday:
Back to work. Pain is still tolerable, but increasing as it does every week. A week of typing doesn't make for pain free moments. Off to see Rich who went gently on my body again, which helped.
Saturday:
Right hand pain is starting to rage again. Was able to get up and run errands on a Saturday for the first time in months. The pain isn't so bad I can't do what I need to do, including study and get the recycling out. As I sat in the chair getting my hair cut, I closed my eyes and meditated on my right hand, trying to figure out what it needs.
Both my hands and my knees now reside in my heart shaped theatre room and I spend time there with them, just quietly being. I don't know what they need or want when we're all in there so I just "be" with them.
I concentrated on raging red right hand pain, walking up to it and soothing it be leaning against it and stroking it like someone would a person in distress. In the physical world, my right hand was resting on my belly. This seems to help me focus on my breathing. Anyway, in my meditative world, I just leaned up against my right hand and stroked it. I didn't talk to it or try to reassure it or anything. The lesson I seem to be learning, and practicing, is to just be.
Since school started nearly four weeks ago, my meditation practice has gone out the window. I do visualizations when I get an off-moment but a sit-down or lie-down meditation hasn't actually happened in a while. It will have to suffice for now.
I decided to stop the cold laser because my finger was getting tender and crabbing up a lot at night with the attendant knots. The crabbing up doesn't stay for a long time but my finger has just been super tender so I decided to stop for now.
Sunday:
Laundry, studying, chores. Right hand pain has raged off and on all day. It's 9PM and I still have lots to do, including finish the dishes so I can make lunch for tomorrow, study and an ice bath for the hands. Yay me. I am grateful to be functional enough to do these things and to have enough brain power to contemplate them.
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