Meditation practice still weak. I fell asleep last night. I think the middle to the end of the week are going to be tricky for a while because I am so worn out. Dr. Kabat-Zinn says it's important to show up and do what we can. I'm good at that part and I'm learning to accept that sometimes just showing up is all I can do.
Woke up this morning feeling like we'd made a breakthrough of some sort. Pain level was tolerable. I even thought about taking the camera out somewhere this weekend. We'll see if there's any hope left because I'm pretty sore right now. Not even a two-hour nap at the accupuncturist helped. There may be a paraffin bath in my future, they're not as expensive as I expected.
Dat and I are still having conversations about what role accupuncture plays in my life. We're coming from it at two different perspectives but I know we'll keep talking. I don't expect instant gratification, I know it's a process. I just get really frustrated at times. I'll keep going because, if nothing else, 2+ hours just sitting and being is restful. Or maybe it's the 2+ hours dozy naps I wind up taking that are restful. I had Dr. Kabat-Zinn in one ear and I just sat and tried to pay attention but I kept drifting off. He was only in one ear because one of the needles in the other made it difficult to put the earbud in comfortably.
It occurred to me on the way home that maybe all the hand holding I do at work is making my hands hurt. There's a lot we do to help people on their way, often too much. We're working on breaking my habit of doing more than I should and letting other people take responsibility for their bad grades.
I'm a very huggy person. I love them. I would give a hug to just about anyone and everyone if they would let me. There are people at work I hug (today it was one of our students), all my healers get hugs and now Dat has joined the Auntie Pain hugging club. I wonder what he thinks about that. I kinda figure we're all in something together and hugs just feel good.
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